Retarded teachers, and other tomfoolery

I am not a happy Brett. I just got back from a class that started off well, if rather difficultly – the sannensei are learning the relative pronoun right now, a phenomenon that still remains a sacred mystery to many native English speakers – but went swiftly downhill toward the end. The class was doing a translation worksheet, and I was checking their progress and lending aid where I could.

Class structure is team teaching, so I always work with at least one native speaker of Japanese. Today’s JTE (Japanese Teacher of English) was also checking answers, and proceeded to explain the grammar in question to the class after we were done letting them give it a go on their own. We went over the answers together, until we came to one sentence where she made a mistake: ‘This is Louis Braille, the man who invented the Braille.’ One of our students first spoke up, expressing her confusion (the student had written the sentence correctly, without the). I was in the process of saying something, but my JTE cut me off and tried to move on, saying that the point in question wasn’t related to relative pronouns so we shouldn’t dwell on it. Sigh. Ok, fine…but then our student dropped her pencil and muttered, “Why is this so difficult? I thought I was correct…” right before she started crying. I wanted to fucking slap my JTE.

Fortunately the Japanese have remarkable skill in ignoring/working through distractions; the rest of the students were kind enough to focus on their…well, navel-gazing, perhaps…and not make an issue out of it. My JTE tried to comfort the poor girl, but was met with little success. Fortunately the class ended then; soon afterward I saw my student crying on a friend’s shoulder. All this stupidity simply because my JTE was too rushed or too proud to admit a mistake. Or hell, who knows…maybe my JTE had actually encountered some text that had such mistaken English in it. She (and in a broader sense, many Japanese teachers of English) seem to cling almost rabidly to their published texts, even when working with a native speaker of English who says, “No, that isn’t correct.” I wish she would just show a little trust – we JETs are all college-educated adults who have spent quite a bit more time using English than most Japanese people currently alive.

Update: Brett is no longer pissed. During a short assembly at the end of the school day, I had a talk with the head English teacher here at KJH. He actually brought up the issue, saying that he had heard there was some small problem in one of the English classes. Glossing over the details of our chat, I will say only that that man is a saint. He showed remarkable empathy and quickly came up with a solution that I’m sure will be amicable to all parties involved. Kudos, hats off, and all other such gestures to him, for he is truly a professional, caring, good teacher.

In Other News of the Realm…

Today was a reminder that I’m still not used to living up in the mountains. I opened the front door of my apartment to leave for school this morning and was greeted by a wall of fog thick enough to stop a Mack truck. It had evaporated by 10am, but it was still quite a sight until then. Now all Kosaka needs is a nearby lake and a serial killer with a hockey mask…

I try not to focus on English mistakes my students make; it is their second language and most of them are pretty new to it. Some of them are just too funny to pass up, though. The ichinensei were working on is/are, and I asked them if there was anything wrong with a sentence one student had previously written on the chalkboard: “Kumi’s father are very tall.” One student corrected it to say: “Kumi’s fathers are very tall.” Well, technically correct English, but…

I explained in Japanese what was going on here.

Brett: So, this means that Kumi has two fathers.
Student 1: Ah. Well…
Student 2: It’s possible.
Brett: Uh-huh. How do you figure?
Student 2: Well, we live in a modern world…
Brett: But we are studying is and are.
Student 1: I will fix it. (gets up to go to chalkboard)
Student 2: No, it’s ok. Gay things are ok. Maybe the textbook’s author is gay.
Brett: From the mouths of babes…well, the liberal attitude is good, at least.

I have about 170 students I see regularly, so remembering their Japanese names is a bit of a chore. They wear nametags, but reading them is not always as easy as it sounds. Japanese last names aren’t too bad; most are related to nature and are pronounced with the natural Japanese (訓読み, kunyomi) pronunciation for the characters used. Teachers typically call their students by their first names, though, as it implies more of a teacher/student relationship than one between colleagues. Also, last names see a lot of repetition in Japanese. At KJH there are 5 Anbos, 5 Takahashis, 5 Wadas, 6 Kudos, 11 Naritas, and a whopping 15 Kimuras...so first names become a necessity. Unfortunately, though, the pronunciation of first name characters is a bit more ambiguous. There are some standard ones used, but there is also a list of alternate pronunciations for each first name character…and sometimes people just make up something entirely new. It leaves me in a situation like this:

Brett: So, how do you say your name?
$µ※☹: Oh, it’s Akira.
¥㎐➹➌✸: Really? Me, too!
Brett: Oh, God…
$µ※☹: I’ve always preferred the nasalized ‘k’ sound from the 11^th dynasty, though…
Brett: Head…hurt…
+(æΣєӨ: Hey, I thought that came from the reign of Emperor Kamenoyounikakureru.
Brett: Wait, who are you?
+(æΣєӨ: Akira, but with a long ‘i’.
Brett: Son of a…
¥㎐➹➌✸: I’m glad we use the simplified characters for our names, else it might be kind of hard to remember!
Brett: *head explodes*

Like many JETs, I resort to nicknaming, just to keep them straight in my head. I swear I’m not an asshole; these are the only tools I have to keep everyone straight! ‘Sides, it’s not like I actually share these names with my students…

Slobber
This kid salivates excessively when he’s excited or nervous, which is pretty much any time I ask for his participation in class. I seriously want to get him a drool cup for Christmas, just so he can speak with some modicum of clarity. Swallow, buddy, it won’t kill you…

Tensai Row
Tensai is Japanese for genius, and this name actually refers to one row of three girls who always know all of the answers for textbook questions, as if they just downloaded the whole thing to their brains. Whoa…I know kung fu! I actually love their class, because I’ll always have at least three volunteers for the standard material we go over. I just hope the other kids don’t feel overshadowed; I try to avoid calling on Tensai Row too much so as to encourage everyone else’s participation. *shakes fist at sky* Damn my school for not having an English club!

I have more of these, but they can wait for another time...my brain is coasting on fumes. I just found out that tomorrow is going to be a long, boring day. Normally I only teach two classes on Friday, and tomorrow both of those classes have the lesson test for chapter 6. I don't need to be present for classes that consist only of a test, so I have absolutely nothing but prep and internet time-wasting on the docket for tomorrow. Not an exciting prospect ☹