The Christmas Cage

I’m stretched out in a room probably no more than 3m by 2m to whatever extent my 188cm frame can manage, still in a country over 6000 miles from the land of my birth. I'm somewhat propped up against a mound of blankets that will form my bed tonight, computer on my lap, and I’m munching on some free fruit-filled chocolates. I have not a stitch of clothing to my name except that which is on my back. It’s Christmas Eve. I defy you to truthfully say you’re having a better time than me right now.

No, I’m not in prison. I’m in Yokohama, on the 3rd night of an adventure through the big cities over winter break. This started with...with an advertisement for a job fair, if I recall correctly. Some time ago, my buddy Mike found this career fair-esque thing taking place in Tokyo proper a few days before Christmas. It seemed to imply that it was geared toward foreigners in Japan, such as us, who speak English natively and have a reasonable grasp of Japanese. Admission was free, so we applied and I found us a bus down to Tokyo. My awesome friend Tomoko, who lives in Tokyo and is currently a grad student in the field of biochemistry, found us a comfortable place to stay that was a good $15/night cheaper than anything I came across. Reservations were made, tickets were purchased, and we were all clear for launch.

The journey began with but a single step, a few clichéd turns of phrase, and *shudder* a night bus to Ikebukuro. This was the cheapest (and thus in our opinion at the time, the wisest) method of transportation from Odate in the northern reaches of Akita to slightly more colonized regions of Japan. What foolish mortals we were. The bus was maybe $25 less than a plane to Haneda airport in Tokyo and a full eight times longer, on seats that would enrage PETA if they were placed in zoo cages. Well, okay, technically the did recline, but they had nothing resembling leg room or pillowy head padding. The result was a night of hour-long catnaps and a bus full of disgruntled, confused, stiff-necked, bitchy Akitans in downtown Tokyo at 7:30 in the morning. The picture could have only been more complete if we had brought our torches and pitchforks.

Once we had brushed (most of) the hay off our overalls and sent Cletus to fetch firewood and a few squirrels for stew, we began to seriously consider our new surroundings. Priorities included caffeine and breakfast, in no particular order but preferably at the exact same time. It was no more than a few minutes of wandering down the sidewalk when we practically steamrolled into Mike and Stacie, a couple (as in, two people and romantically involved) of JETs from Akita who were on the way to catch a plane to Vietnam for their own winter vacation. Well, holy shit. The four of us all had time to kill, so we headed toward some bagel shop Stacie knew. Turns out it didn’t open till 10am, so we settled for Starfucks®, bid farewell, and began quest number 2: finding the hotel. I’m not going to go into details here, with this or any other time we attempted to locate anywhere for the first time. Just assume that if we were going there (wherever there was) unguided, it took us at least 4.63 times as long as it needed to.

Check-in time was at 3pm, so we dropped off our bags at the front desk and sought out a nearby convenience of Japanese culture, a public bathhouse. See, we had that job fair today, and even if you’re generous/silly enough to call what we got on that bus “sleep,” we were still marinating in sweat and clothing that hadn’t been changed in nearly 30 hours. We needed awakedness and cleanliness, and we needed them badly. Fate led us down the wrong road and to a freaking delicious Ma and Pa noodle shop. It was awesome – they were just opening up for lunch and we didn’t even have to look at menus; they pretty much told us what we would be eating in a tone that was not to argued with. It suffices to say that that was one of the two best noodle dishes I have had in Japan so far.

So anywho, we ate, bathed, changed into our suits, and went to join the job fair, pumped as hell and ready to wow corporate execs into offering us way more money than we were worth.

...Turns out that’s not quite what happened. Remember back when I said the advertisement for this job fair seemed to imply that it was for native speakers of English who understood Japanese? Yeah, that wasn’t entirely the case. On the contrary, it was much more intended for native speakers of Japanese who could passably communicate in English. Yes, there is a huge difference (that I’m not going to go into in detail here unless someone asks me to).

We were mildly annoyed but had other plans in Tokyo for the evening and weren’t going to let it get us down. We went our separate ways, each to have dinner with a friend in Tokyo we hadn’t seen in quite some time. Having no definite plans for the next day we decided to give the job fair another shot, just in case. We suited up and went in with absolutely no expectations, not even planning to stay for the length of the event. It was actually quite worthwhile; we both went about the approach of telling company reps exactly what we were looking for – positions that could make use of a native speaker of English who could also communicate in Japanese. I spoke with two companies I will be sending my resume to when I get back from vacation. That evening I met my J-friend again and the three of us found a nice little Indian restaurant, followed by possibly the cheapest bar in all of Tokyo – all drinks are 300 yen! Oddly, it’s even located in Ginza, the trendiest and most expensive area of the city. To put this contrast in perspective, right near the 300 bar I had been eyeing a freaking hot dress shirt in the window of a mens’ clothing store; I had to graciously tell the clerk that I would have to “think about it” for a while after I saw the price...54000 yen. Some day, when I’m rich and famous...

The next day (today) was pretty awesome. After checking out of our lodgings, seeing Mike off, and leaving my luggage in a locker at the train station I went to meet Noriko, who had emailed me yesterday to tell me she’d be in Tokyo for the day to see a concert, and would I like to hang out? 7 years ago, when I first lived in Japan as a high school student, Noriko was a member of my host family, my “sister.” Now she’s...well, hmm. Even back then she was rather flirty, but us living in the same house meant that anything of that sort was way too awkward to even consider. We’ve kept in contact on and off since then, and she’s still vibrant and flirty, plus she’s a dance instructor now. *shrug* I’ll see her again in a few days, so we’ll see what comes of what.

We had linner (or, dunch? lupper?) wandered around and pretended to care about shopping, and headed off, her to the concert and me to Yokohama (with a few scenic detours). I finally got in here and found the hostel

(*snicker* yes, that’s a picture of my “room”) around 9pm. I had to get in here by then or the check-in desk would be closed, so I came directly from Tokyo station and haven't yet had time to pick up my luggage that's in a locker at Ikebukuro station, hence me being virtually possessionless right now. Eh, it can wait 'till tomorrow. I found some food and have been writing on and off since then, trying to figure out what sort of Christmas this is for me. Am I really happy here? It’d...be nice to share it with someone, I guess, but I’ll cope. Xmas is really an odd one in Japan. Virtually everyone celebrates it or at least gives it an acknowledging nod, but less than 1% of the population’s Christian, so I don’t know why. I’m not certain they do, either. It’s a time for parents to give their children toys, St. Nick or no St. Nick, and for couples to spend time together. That’s really it. No one knows why, they just do. Lights are strung up (Ginza was quite spectacular, in fact), comedically Engrish-ed songs are sung (Sirent night, hory night...), stocking caps are worn, presents are bought...just because. If you ask a Japanese person, they’ll probably say that they celebrate Christmas simply because they enjoy it, and I honestly have to ask if we (or anyone) really need a better reason than that. Why should a country already saturated in millennia of tradition and stark-raving terrified of wide-scale change not be able to just kick back and take pleasure in the moment? Maybe the idea did come from a popular Western religion that has never once had a serious place in this country, but I just can’t bring myself to see any problem with that.

I found this poem online some time ago, and somehow it seems to capture the moment better than any words that come to me right now.

On a street in the night
In the cold winter's light
A child stands alone and she's waiting
And the light that's out there
It just hangs in the air
As if it was just hesitating
And the snow it comes down
And it muffles the sound
Of dreams on their way to tomorrow
And when they appear
this night will hold them near
For where they will lead
She will follow

For here in the city of lights
This evening awakens
The dreams that it might
The winter it conjures
The spell it will weave
The snow gently covers the ground
Christmas Eve

In this scene
On this night
There's an ancient hotel
Where shadows they do tend to wander
And the ghosts that live here
Hold each moment so dear
For time's not a thing one should squander
And they recount their sand
As it runs through their hand
And examine each moment for meaning
It can be wished upon
Till the moment it's gone
Like day disappears into evening

For here in the city of lights
This evening awakens
The dreams that it might
The winter it conjures
The spell it will weave
The snow gently covers the ground
Christmas Eve

Through this night
The dream still wanders
As it was meant to be
And every year this night grows fonder
Of children and circumstance
Caught in this childhood dance
As the world turns around
Keeping dreams on the ground
Windows of frosted ice
Prisming candlelight
And somehow we start to believe

In the night and the dream
As it cuts through the noise
With the whisper of snow
As it starts to deploy
In the depths of a night
That's about to begin
With the feeling of snow
As it melts on your skin
And it covers the land
With a dream so intense
That it returns us all
To a child's innocence
And then what you'd thought lost
And could never retrieve
Is suddenly there to be found
On Christmas Eve

Unexpected dose of history

I've never hesitated to say how I love visiting the School in the Sky - the beautiful scenery, warm and friendly coworkers who are mostly in my age group, students who care and put forth serious effort in their lessons, and class sizes that allow me to actually give personal attention all make visits there a treat. I suppose it also helps that I'm there at most once a week, so trips there never quite become a commonplace, everyday routine. Anyway, today being a Thursday I once again make the trek (yes, yes...over the hills and through the woods, etc.). Last week I had talked with Sugar about how some of the students' parents would be visiting the school today, and we planned a review lesson on past-tense for the two sannensei, who are our lowest level students, but are showing more promise as of recent. There was another item on the docket for today that I had not been warned of, though, that made the excursion extra extravagant (wheee, alliteration!).



Mr. Takahashi is a man in his mid-60s, who was born right around the end of the second World War. 47 years ago he attended KJH, where I teach regularly these days. The ugly state this country was in in those post-war days meant that he needed to find work to help support his family, and was never able to pursue higher education. Today, he is in his final year of high school.

Yes, you read that correctly. A few years ago, after working in industry for the majority of his life, Mr. Takahashi decided that he needed this. Today he told us his story.
The principal of SitS first introduced Mr. Takahashi as "the person he respects above all others." I had been doing some prep work, so I slipped into the back of the classroom right as this was taking place. Mr. T (and I forbid all bad 80s TV references from this point on; I'm just getting tired of typing Takahashi) started with a few stories of his childhood, how after the war his family's first concern everyday was finding enough food for the table. They were not always as successful as they might have liked. He mentioned the movie "Hotaru no Haka" (Grave of the Fireflies) as having some similarities to his early childhood, a point that really struck a chord with me. If you've seen it, you probably know what I'm talking about. I do recommend it, with the caveat that it is not a happy movie. Don't watch it if you're already depressed; I don't want to be indirectly responsible for any suicides.
Anywho, Mr. T talked about his post-war childhood, and how he was never able to go on to high school because he needed to help support his family; I kind of just shut up and tried to chameleon myself into the wall. I never once felt nor do I think that anyone there (or even Mr. T) harbors any hostility toward Americans for the war, but it's one of those events that I'm still very careful of in conversation. I guess I feel that I don't really have the right to talk about it unless asked, especially in the presence of someone who was there. After all, what are most of us in this situation, but the descendants of two peoples who were supposed to be mortal enemies? And in the end, what would I say? Do I give the P.C. response that's expected of me, that nuclear war is terrible and I hope we have all learned from the mistakes of our past? If only it was so simple...
Getting back to the topic at hand, though, we heard from Mr. T how he went into work at some sort of machine factory (he said more than that but his voice was gravelly and my Japanese ain't perfect), and over the years as robots replaced more and more of his jobs he learned to repair the robots so he could stay employed. My ninensei student was nearly salivating at this; he's hardcore into robotics and wants to design them in the future. Question and answer time with Mr. T was pretty funny. One of the elementary students asked him if he enjoyed gym class when he was young. He responded, in a slow, drawn out manner, "Gym class...well, as to whether I liked gym class in my younger years...no, I actually freaking hated it. Passionately. I haven't the words to decribe my loathing of it." A smile, then. "Next question?"
My ninensei of course asked about the robots Mr. T repaired, and there may have been a few about what he planned to do in the future. All of this is of particular note, though, because this kind of thing just doesn't happen in Japan. There is no G.E.D.; returning to school for any kind of higher education later in life is not a popular choice, either. Once you've finished schooling in your youth, you typically work for one company for the rest of your pre-retirement life. Changing careers is still a rare phenomenon, too, with the attitude of company loyalty still claiming majority rule in the business world.
A local news crew actually came all the way out to SitS to film this event, and it got a minute or so on the 6pm news. This was of special interest to us single guys at SitS, because the newscaster was really hot.

I hinted at this before, but my sannensei at SitS are showing signs of progress and not sucking nearly as much any more. The one who used to skip all the time hasn't missed a class in over a month, and they both did well for their respective skill levels during our past-tense review. Granted, it probably helped that it was parents-visit-the-school day so we had the occasional mom drop in and observe, but they are also improving overall. I think it is largely related to their lessons previously being straight from that craptacular New Horizon rag, before we started teaching more to their level, but part of me likes to think I've been directly responsible for their recent performance, too.

Finally I have another gripe to wrap this up, just to keep this post in line with my typically effervescent personality. Eh, this one's pretty justified, though, I think. So, New Year's is a big thing here. BIG. Most companies and offices (mine included) have a bounenkai at the end of the year, which basically means 'a party to forget the year that just finished.' As you might have guessed, this can (does) mean drowning one's self in alcohol. Both KJH and SitS are having a bounenkai, both on the same night. I'm obligated to choose to attend KJH's party, because that's my main school. They're a fine bunch, but I'd rather get sloshed with the SitS people; we just have a friendlier relationship and more of them are in my age group. Ok, so far not a big problem. I can go to the KJH party and hang out with the SitS people another time, right? Wrong. See, the KJH party is at possibly the fanciest traditional Japanese inn in northern Japan, and at 28000 yen ($247) per head, I can't afford to go, especially since I'm traveling to Tokyo and Nagoya over the winter break. The SitS party is also at a nice resort but closer and less than half the price...but I can't just opt to go to that one - doing so might not officially be forbidden, but I know it could damage my professional relationship with people at KJH. I have a hunch that I could probably play the 'I'm white and don't know any better' card, but the risk (coupled with the fact that I do actually know better and would feel guilty) makes it just not worth it. So, no bounenkai for me. *pout*
I'll get over it, though. I am going to be in the 3rd (?) biggest city on the planet in a week.

The big picture

...and the myopic dumbasses who can't be bothered to even take a glance at it.

Heh, welcome to my world. Okay, that's not entirely accurate...the people I work with are, on the whole, motivated and caring individuals who take their jobs seriously and treat their students well. The system we work within, though, has us so absurdly fettered to a draconic, useless, backwards, utterly wrong method that integrating innovative and motivating activities into the curriculum is, at best, a violent struggle. Whew. [/vitriol]

Now that I've gotten that out of my system and taken a few breaths, I'll take a little space here explaining what the hell I'm talking about. First, a question: If you choose to learn a foreign language, what are your reasons for doing so?
I gave this question to 80 of my students in survey format, and got back the following answers:

Understanding foreign languages will increase my understanding of my mother tongue: 9%
Want to communicate better with foreigners: 53%
Speaking foreign languages is sexy/cool: 4%
I want to travel the world: 18%
I can learn expressions that don't exist in Japanese: 1%
If I can't speak foreign languages, nobody will hire me: 3%
It might be useful someday: 8%
Other: 4%

One can see that the majority of answers I received are focused around one thing: communication. I think it's safe to say that one could find answers like this to the same question all over the world. Most people who want to learn another country's tongue want to do it so that they can communicate. Okay, well...shouldn't a mandatory, government-sponsored program for students of a foreign language (in this case, English) be focused around teaching them to communicate using said language, then? Yes, perhaps? You'd like to think so, too. MEXT, the Ministry for Education, Culture, Sports, Science, and Technology, *insert derisive snort here* here in Japan, doesn't feel that way, though. Rather, they feel that the score/grade of a single test is suitable for determining any K-12 student's English abilities.
As a result, classes are supposed to be taught with the only objective of preparing students for a test. Does this sound at all familar to any of my American readership? *cough*...no children left behind...*cough*

To make matters even worse, there is no speaking section at all on the vast majority of these tests. Let me put this in perspective:
The tests I am referring to are the entrance examinations necessary to attend high school and university in Japan. No, you don't get to automatically go to either; you must first score at least a certain number on a test. These tests determine a student's future, period. Why? Because the school that you go to in this country is just as (if not more) important as what you actually do there. Top employers look for graduates of the top universities, and good luck getting most of them to even talk to you if you scored amazing marks and did breakthrough research at the University of Podunk, Nowheresville. So, students from about age 13 are under enormous pressure to succeed. Failure at the junior high level means no good high school, which means inadequate preparation for college entrance exams, which means attending a substandard college, which means the companies that pay the big bucks won't even read your resume. And nowhere in this, in 6 years of mandatory English education, is there actually a requirement to speak a word of English. These students aren't learning to speak a langauge; they are learning to crack a code. That's what the government makes English for them - a "code" that must be deciphered into "real" Japanese so they can understand it and pass a test.
...And yet, all these kids want is to be able to communicate. Gahhh...

I'm not going to end this entry on such a foul note, though, because there is hope. The JET Programme started 20 years ago with the goal of exposing students in Japan to real English in the classroom. My role in this is to motivate students to want to learn English, and then give them a chance to use it in a meaningful fashion. Now, as with any school subject, some students like English and others don't. That's just a reality that I can only affect so much. But for the students who want to learn actual spoken English, there is no concrete reward for their studies, such as better test scores or a bright college future. Classes are getting better, though. My prefecture has strong scores in English use in the classroom, and my JTEs (especially Saint) encourage it well.
Change, a phenomenon that the Japanese seem violently resistant to, is of course taking place slowly. I do still see setbacks. I do hear from parents who oppose the JET Programme because it distracts students from learning English material they will be tested on. I'm on board for at least another eight months, though, and I'm here to teach real English. Try and stop me.

Wrapping up the naming game

I’ve so far only named two of my coworkers, Ms. Giggles and Mrs. Freckles, and also hinted at the existence of one other (my lead JTE), but I actually have quite a plethora of talented people I teach with or just interact with on a regular basis. Time to get down to the task of finishing my naming project, so I can properly refer to them in all future writings here.

Saint
…is of course my lead JTE in Kosaka. When I first began work here, I had the impression that this man would be a real pain in the ass to work with. He struck me as being unnecessarily by-the-book and unwilling to adapt to the individual needs/desires of our students. How wrong I was. You might remember the entry where I mentioned him coming to the rescue when I had a conflict with one of my other JTEs. Aside from that experience, he has by his actions shown me on many occasions that he really cares about what he is doing here and is concerned for the future of our students. He’s always in the office until late in the evening, studying new teaching methods and preparing all manner of class activities and games to further the younguns’ learning. Anytime an awkward moment or difficult explanation comes up in class, he has a solution that quickly smooths the situation over. In general, he is the epitome of what just about any person would call a good man.

Closet Naughty
…is the elementary teacher who sits right next to me at School in the Sky. She’s super cute, but alas, she’s got a boyfriend. In any case, I have a policy against dating coworkers. She’s one of the few coworkers I have who is in my age range (actually, we’re exactly the same age), though, so we have some common interests to talk about whenever I’m there. The name, though…this comes from one time when I visited her elementary class here. There are six girls ranging from 3rd to 6th grade (I think) that she teaches, and I dropped in to help out with a basic English class – they’re mostly just learning the alphabet and some simple expressions right now. C.N. doesn’t actually speak much English, but she knows enough to teach the little squirts (I’m sure she teaches them other subjects, as well). We were doing self-introductions, which of course includes hobbies/interests.
Take a moment to form in your head the image of a slim, cute Japanese woman, mid-twenties, just shorter than shoulder length black hair. Picture her teaching a giggly little group of eight- to eleven-year olds with hair braided in pigtails, all wearing pastel-colored jumpers. Got it? It’s a pretty innocent image, complete with flowers and bunny rabbits, wouldn’t you say? Now picture the teacher saying in front of the students, in somewhat broken English, “My interests are hot boys and drinking saké.”
…Homey say what?! I pride myself on my composure, simply because I didn’t quite fall over laughing and gasping for air then. So, yeah. Closeted in virtue and bubbly cuteness, but really a man-izing (is this a word?) lush at heart. Warms the soul, doesn’t it?

Ninja T
…teaches social studies and swings a fucking fierce game of table tennis. I’ve been stopping by the table tennis club after school recently, and I have discovered how bad at this game I really am. The only weapon I have is that my serve is somewhat unconventional, so my students haven’t figured out a reliable way to defeat it. Yet. These kids are the type who are usually playing about a meter or two back from the table, whaling the shit out the ball every time it hits their side and still somehow placing it in bounds when they return it to their opponent. And they’re mostly about 14 years old. Ninja T is the late-twenties full grown adult who teaches them these acrobatics.
…And to think that I used to consider myself good at this game. *sigh*

Green Blink 41
…or just Po-punk for short. She teaches at School in the Sky, and loves every band in the pop/punk genre that I have heard of, plus a few old-school items like Sex Pistols and Dead Kennedys. Somehow Green Day or Sum 41 or whatever came up in a conversation once (she's about my age so we chat a fair bit), and then the next time I was at SitS she gave me a burned CD of a similar Japanese band called ELLEGARDEN (usually displayed in caps). They’re actually pretty damn good, at least worth a download in my opinion. Nowadays I trade music with her pretty regularly, and we’ve promised each other we’ll be at the first good concert that comes anywhere near this area. Psssh, if that ever happens.

Tea Lady
…I wish I had a better name for her, but this is the first thought that comes to my mind every time I see her. Tea Lady isn’t exactly a teacher; she fulfills all of the random mandatory duties that come up at school, including bringing morning tea to all of the teachers, making copies, fixing stuff, janitorial jobs, and probably a million other things I’m not aware of. But the first time I see her every morning, she’s bringing me a cup of tea. She’s really cool, in a no-nonsense sort of way. Unlike the teachers and students, she has no need or desire to learn English, so she talks to me in Japanese about whatever interesting news/gossip is floating about. She’s a very motherly sort of kind, but she also has the weight of many years of experience behind her, so when she speaks, you listen. And she brings me candy sometimes.

Elvis
…is the vice-principal at KJH. He often practices his English on me in somewhat random, heavily accented statements that I find strangely endearing. And his hair makes him a dead ringer for Elvis Presley! …well, if Elvis was Asian, slim, and alive, anyway. He also is into iaido, so he gets bonus points there. He actually has a 2nd degree black belt, if I recall correctly.

Sugar
…is my JTE at School in the Sky. The name comes from the fact that his real name is homonymic with the Japanese word for sugar, and that he’s really a well-natured, easygoing guy to work with. He can be a bit too accommodating at times, but it’s not a bad thing. He practices his English with me more than any of my other JTEs, and is often researching any manner of random vocabulary (usually pretty detailed or high-level stuff) between classes. He always tells me he’ll email me the lesson plans for my classes there (I’m only at School in the Sky at most once a week), always forgets, and always apologizes profusely when I arrive in the morning. It’s become something of a running joke, I think. I’m not worried about it because he’s more open to my input in class than my other JTEs, so I don’t need to know perfectly what he has in mind beforehand in order to feel useful.

Valley Girl
…is a student and not a coworker of mine, but she gets a shout-out here just for being funny and weird. She’s one of my more outspoken sannenseis, so I usually like classes she’s in. She’s kind of one of the popular kids, and she can be a pain in the ass about it sometimes, getting pouty and sulky when stuff doesn’t go her way. But she cheers when she does well in class and raises her hand to guess even when she doesn’t know the lesson well (understand that this is super rare – Japanese kids have a tremendous issue with sticking out and potentially being wrong, even if I encourage them to try).
I had one…I don’t know, humorous maybe?...incident with her recently that I’m still not entirely sure what to make of. She was basically being bitchy in class one day, so I asked Saint (JTEs, not us foreigners, are officially responsible for discipline in class) about it afterwards. He tried to explain it to me, but he couldn’t think of the English word to describe something that he said was wrong with her. I partially understood the Japanese word he used; I thought it was some kind of mental disorder he was talking about, like maybe ADHD or something. I got him to repeat the word and went back to the teachers’ office to look it up in my handy-dandy electronic dictionary, expecting to find out that this poor girl couldn’t control her obnoxious behavior today. Turns out that she’s…a narcissist. Yup, that’s the word he used. She’s hard to deal with sometimes because she has an over-inflated opinion of herself. Wow.

I may be missing a few people, but that’s all I gots for now. If anyone else distinguishes themselves enough to earn a new name, I’ll be sure to keep you updated.


This isn’t worth an entire blog entry on its own, but it’s still too funny not to write about. I was recently picking up a few items at Kosaka’s dedicated liquor store for upcoming social events. I say “dedicated” because that’s all they sell; one can buy hard liquor at gas stations and grocery stores here, as well. As I’m one of two foreigners (that I’m aware of) living in Kosaka, I get chatted up by the locals pretty regularly. I was checking out when the clerk (well, actually the owner of the store) asked me if I was teaching at the junior high school. I said that I am, and she promptly thanked me for putting up with her daughter. The conversation went something like this:
Me: Oh, your daughter is in junior high? What grade/class is she in?
Her: 3rd grade, class number 2. I’m sorry, she is very stupid.
Me: What?! No, no, 3-2 is a good group.
Her: Her name’s [Valley Girl]. (see above)
Me: …Oh.
Her: See? Dumb girl.
Me: No! She’s…great. She really participates a lot.
Her: She just wants attention. I’m very sorry; I will try harder in raising her at home.
Me: How can I escape this awkward conversation with my dignity intact? Oh, don’t worry about her. She loves speaking English.
Her: She does like the sound of her own voice, yes.
Me: She’s coming along fine. I’m sure she’ll get into a good high school in Odate.
Her: Heh-heh. That makes one of us.

Odate is the neighboring city that actually has a population (about 80,000) and shows up on maps. All of the good high schools in north Akita, I’m told, are located there.

And for today’s brief WTF report, I would like now to focus your attention on the School in the Sky, where I spent last Thursday teaching. This visit was no less awesome than every day here (really, the kind of job that makes you think, they’re paying me for this?!), but to stir things up a bit, one of my two ichinensei students decided to get a little creative with his lunch. It’s worth mentioning that the lunch lady who prepares everything here is also quite a talent, and I have yet to have an unpleasant dining experience…yet somehow, it just wasn’t interesting enough for this troubled child. So, he took the little butter packet that was intended for our baked sweet potatoes, peeled his mandarin orange, and slathered each individual section of it in pure, unadulterated, churned dairy before chowing down. And by his face, I’m honestly convinced that he enjoyed it. WTF, indeed.

*smack!*

That was the sound of my hand striking my forehead. I just got back from Aeon, the local Wal-Mart clone in Odate, and they were playing...Christmas music! And they have a big freaking decorated 5 meter tall Christmas tree right in the front entrance! And the damn thing's been there since before Halloween! I'm living in a country in which less than 1% of the population celebrate Christmas for religious reasons, so I'm not sure if I find this to be nauseating commercialization or brilliant marketing. Or just funny, perhaps. In any case, Japanese businesses have successfully assimilated a foreign holiday to send revenue through the ceiling around this time of the year. I applaud their ambition, at least...what are the chances of something like Day of Respect for the Elderly or The Emperor's Birthday catching on in America? I eagerly await "Kurisumasu Engrish," and will be sure to post it here when I find a suitable sample.

...I feel like there's something profound I was going to add to this, but I was sick recently and that has no doubt robbed my brain of whatever genius prose I had intended...

So, you get more nicknames.

Mix
Mix is the ringleader of ninensei class 2's Tensai Row. She's a regular participant in Kosaka International Society's (KIS; not the best acronym, I know) town events, and actually speaks pretty decent English (despite her claims to the contrary), so she wins the culture "mix" award here at KJH. And her name sounds an awful lot like the word "mix," so it's only appropriate.

Barnacle
Barnacle is an ichinensei boy who...could perhaps use a little counseling in social etiquette. He's always happy to join English class even though he doesn't say much then, but any time he talks to us teachers afterward he tries to cling to us, just like his namesake would to a poor, unsuspecting boat. I don't think he's deliberately being obnoxious, but he's still met with a margin of success so far.

Yokozuna
No, I didn't create this nickname just to be mean to the fat kid. Yokozuna is a sannensei who actually is training to be a sumo wrestler. Yes, this means he's big (I'd guess he has at least 20kg on me, and he's 15!), but it also means he's ridiculously strong. I've seen him carry two of his classmates at once on several occasions. He's nearly as tall as me, too, which means that as the Japanese define it, he's fast approaching Godzilla-status.


And to wrap this up, a little random silliness. Mrs. Freckles, my coworker who studied abroad and actually understands English nuances and such, was teaching a ninensei class with me one day. It's been my mission to teach a few American colloquialisms to this and any other class that expresses interest, and they've pretty well mastered, "What's up?" So, a few of them try it out on Mrs. Freckles at the beginning of class one day, and she responds with a Scary Movie-esque "Whazuuuuuuuuup!" and flashes something that could have been a gang symbol at them.
...Yet another one of those moments when I just wasn't sure whether I wanted to burst out laughing or weep bitterly.

Hukt on Foniks...

...actually worked pretty damn well for me. I recently finished my second visit to one of my elementary schools (I've only been to the other one once so far, so this isn't a common activity), where I tried out a simple phonics activity for the 5th and 6th graders. It pretty well kicked ass, once I got the kinks straightened out. A few weekends ago I attended the JET mid-year conference in Akita City, where one of the presentations was an approach to phonics in the classroom. For those of you who have never had a reason to care...

phon·ics /ˈfɒnɪks or, for 2, ˈfoʊnɪks/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[fon-iks] IPA Pronunciation: [ˈfɒnɪks]
– noun

1.	a method of teaching reading and spelling based upon the phonetic interpretation of ordinary spelling

2. the science of sound, or of spoken sounds

See, the Japanese language sort of has an alphabet like ours (well, it has 2 that resemble ours), but one big difference is that in Japanese each "letter" makes only one sound, and is also called by that sound. The concept of one letter having different sounds (i.e. 'a' as in apple, 'a' as in all, and 'a' as in aim) is completely foreign to the Japanese, so wrapping their minds around this idea is one of the first tasks to tackle in learning English. To further complicate the issue, most Japanese "letters" consist of a consonant and a vowel sound, and the Japanese have difficulty perceiving these two as separable. Thus, while the Japanese may see some connection between は (ha) and が (ga), they don't necessarily see the same connection that a native English speaker might.
So, my goal here was to introduce the idea that letters make sounds other than the name we call them by. When we see the letter A alone, we refer to it as 'a' as in aim. We acknowledge, though, that it can make other sounds, depending on the situation. The activity I used had me preparing a large number of note cards before the class, enough that each student could receive four cards (ideally with some to spare). Each card has a letter of the English alphabet on one side, and an example of each sound the letter makes on the opposite side. For examples, I use simple, tangible, photographable nouns. This way, I can show a picture in case the student is not familiar with the example word used. I do this because ideally in language classroom instruction, I believe teachers should use as little as possible of the students' native language. My goal is for students to become used to the idea of using the target language as much as possible in the classroom, so they think of it as a method of communication and not just a secret code to crack.

To begin, each student gets four cards. They all stand up and intermingle, approaching other students as they choose. They play rock-paper-scissors (jan-ken-pon in Japanese) and the loser displays the letter side of one of their cards to the winner. The winner must then correctly say the word or words written on the back of the card (another word that uses the same sound is also OK). Success means the winner gets to keep the card. Failure means that they surrender a card of their choice to their opponent. Both students then proceed on to another person and repeat. The obvious goal for the students is to collect as many cards as possible. In my experience so far, Japanese kids have a viciously competitive streak that fuels games like this very well. Students who run out of cards may come to a teacher to receive one more card (hence the spares).
Once my students have tackled the 26 letters of the alphabet, I'll add in more complicated sounds, such as 'th', 'sh', 'ight', etc.

So, all of that is a brief overview of a classroom activity here, and the thoughts/goals behind it. I unfortunately don't get to plan every activity my classes do in this same fashion, but I also have to admit that it's nice to have a textbook to fall back to on days when my brain is on autopilot. Yes, even if the textbook blows.

I truly am a simple creature

The pictures below speak for themselves (but I've captioned them, for added fun).


Is your woody natural? I know mine is!



This man is such a ninja-fast cook that his actions can't even be captured on standard digital media.



This really, seriously is a shirt I found at the local superstore Walmart-clone here. The English language doesn't have words to express the combination of mirth, confusion, and horror I felt upon viewing this. I might as well add that the shirt even came with its own bling (two gaudy fake-silver crosses on a chain thick enough to haul logs with). I weep for the future of this country.



Not only will we bring sexy back, we will show you exactly what to do with it.

Retarded teachers, and other tomfoolery

I am not a happy Brett. I just got back from a class that started off well, if rather difficultly – the sannensei are learning the relative pronoun right now, a phenomenon that still remains a sacred mystery to many native English speakers – but went swiftly downhill toward the end. The class was doing a translation worksheet, and I was checking their progress and lending aid where I could.

Class structure is team teaching, so I always work with at least one native speaker of Japanese. Today’s JTE (Japanese Teacher of English) was also checking answers, and proceeded to explain the grammar in question to the class after we were done letting them give it a go on their own. We went over the answers together, until we came to one sentence where she made a mistake: ‘This is Louis Braille, the man who invented the Braille.’ One of our students first spoke up, expressing her confusion (the student had written the sentence correctly, without the). I was in the process of saying something, but my JTE cut me off and tried to move on, saying that the point in question wasn’t related to relative pronouns so we shouldn’t dwell on it. Sigh. Ok, fine…but then our student dropped her pencil and muttered, “Why is this so difficult? I thought I was correct…” right before she started crying. I wanted to fucking slap my JTE.

Fortunately the Japanese have remarkable skill in ignoring/working through distractions; the rest of the students were kind enough to focus on their…well, navel-gazing, perhaps…and not make an issue out of it. My JTE tried to comfort the poor girl, but was met with little success. Fortunately the class ended then; soon afterward I saw my student crying on a friend’s shoulder. All this stupidity simply because my JTE was too rushed or too proud to admit a mistake. Or hell, who knows…maybe my JTE had actually encountered some text that had such mistaken English in it. She (and in a broader sense, many Japanese teachers of English) seem to cling almost rabidly to their published texts, even when working with a native speaker of English who says, “No, that isn’t correct.” I wish she would just show a little trust – we JETs are all college-educated adults who have spent quite a bit more time using English than most Japanese people currently alive.

Update: Brett is no longer pissed. During a short assembly at the end of the school day, I had a talk with the head English teacher here at KJH. He actually brought up the issue, saying that he had heard there was some small problem in one of the English classes. Glossing over the details of our chat, I will say only that that man is a saint. He showed remarkable empathy and quickly came up with a solution that I’m sure will be amicable to all parties involved. Kudos, hats off, and all other such gestures to him, for he is truly a professional, caring, good teacher.

In Other News of the Realm…

Today was a reminder that I’m still not used to living up in the mountains. I opened the front door of my apartment to leave for school this morning and was greeted by a wall of fog thick enough to stop a Mack truck. It had evaporated by 10am, but it was still quite a sight until then. Now all Kosaka needs is a nearby lake and a serial killer with a hockey mask…

I try not to focus on English mistakes my students make; it is their second language and most of them are pretty new to it. Some of them are just too funny to pass up, though. The ichinensei were working on is/are, and I asked them if there was anything wrong with a sentence one student had previously written on the chalkboard: “Kumi’s father are very tall.” One student corrected it to say: “Kumi’s fathers are very tall.” Well, technically correct English, but…

I explained in Japanese what was going on here.

Brett: So, this means that Kumi has two fathers.
Student 1: Ah. Well…
Student 2: It’s possible.
Brett: Uh-huh. How do you figure?
Student 2: Well, we live in a modern world…
Brett: But we are studying is and are.
Student 1: I will fix it. (gets up to go to chalkboard)
Student 2: No, it’s ok. Gay things are ok. Maybe the textbook’s author is gay.
Brett: From the mouths of babes…well, the liberal attitude is good, at least.

I have about 170 students I see regularly, so remembering their Japanese names is a bit of a chore. They wear nametags, but reading them is not always as easy as it sounds. Japanese last names aren’t too bad; most are related to nature and are pronounced with the natural Japanese (訓読み, kunyomi) pronunciation for the characters used. Teachers typically call their students by their first names, though, as it implies more of a teacher/student relationship than one between colleagues. Also, last names see a lot of repetition in Japanese. At KJH there are 5 Anbos, 5 Takahashis, 5 Wadas, 6 Kudos, 11 Naritas, and a whopping 15 Kimuras...so first names become a necessity. Unfortunately, though, the pronunciation of first name characters is a bit more ambiguous. There are some standard ones used, but there is also a list of alternate pronunciations for each first name character…and sometimes people just make up something entirely new. It leaves me in a situation like this:

Brett: So, how do you say your name?
$µ※☹: Oh, it’s Akira.
¥㎐➹➌✸: Really? Me, too!
Brett: Oh, God…
$µ※☹: I’ve always preferred the nasalized ‘k’ sound from the 11^th dynasty, though…
Brett: Head…hurt…
+(æΣєӨ: Hey, I thought that came from the reign of Emperor Kamenoyounikakureru.
Brett: Wait, who are you?
+(æΣєӨ: Akira, but with a long ‘i’.
Brett: Son of a…
¥㎐➹➌✸: I’m glad we use the simplified characters for our names, else it might be kind of hard to remember!
Brett: *head explodes*

Like many JETs, I resort to nicknaming, just to keep them straight in my head. I swear I’m not an asshole; these are the only tools I have to keep everyone straight! ‘Sides, it’s not like I actually share these names with my students…

Slobber
This kid salivates excessively when he’s excited or nervous, which is pretty much any time I ask for his participation in class. I seriously want to get him a drool cup for Christmas, just so he can speak with some modicum of clarity. Swallow, buddy, it won’t kill you…

Tensai Row
Tensai is Japanese for genius, and this name actually refers to one row of three girls who always know all of the answers for textbook questions, as if they just downloaded the whole thing to their brains. Whoa…I know kung fu! I actually love their class, because I’ll always have at least three volunteers for the standard material we go over. I just hope the other kids don’t feel overshadowed; I try to avoid calling on Tensai Row too much so as to encourage everyone else’s participation. *shakes fist at sky* Damn my school for not having an English club!

I have more of these, but they can wait for another time...my brain is coasting on fumes. I just found out that tomorrow is going to be a long, boring day. Normally I only teach two classes on Friday, and tomorrow both of those classes have the lesson test for chapter 6. I don't need to be present for classes that consist only of a test, so I have absolutely nothing but prep and internet time-wasting on the docket for tomorrow. Not an exciting prospect ☹

School Fest

I had a sad realization this morning that actually has nothing to do with this topic. I’m not sure exactly how cold it’s getting at night these days, but it ain’t warm and I left my plant outside last night. I haven’t been doing too well with that guy as of recent, so I really hope I didn’t kill him. Yes, it’s a ‘he.’ Don’t ask me how I know this.

Anyway, this past weekend was KJH’s yearly school festival. It (and all such Japanese school fests, as far as I am aware) is not centered around any sort of sports event, like the U.S.’s homecoming, but is its own event in and of itself. …Was that redundant? I don’t have a clue; my English is in the shitter right now.

Like all such events that involve a public display of crafts, performances, or whatever, the Japanese take this very seriously. After-school clubs have been canceled for the last 3 weeks, and everyone (teachers and students) has been staying after school until at least 6pm preparing for this. So if you were disappointed at my recent lack of updates, now you understand ☺ My personal…erm…”me-centered” contribution was not enormous (I made a big Minnesota-themed display), but I was still there for observation, moral support, and assistance wherever I could.

From my perspective, what this event really was was a sort of “pep show/open house” that went beyond just school spirit to encompass personal efforts and those of each “team” (class). It was really quite amazing, observing the prep and how all of the students, even the shyest and quietest, worked together to make this happen. The classrooms were all turned into museums of sorts, each one displaying a different class’s efforts. Here are a few pictures from the English display, as well as one of the Minnesota display that I made…

This is an example of ichinensei, students who have been studying English for 1 year.


And this is from the 2nd year students, ninensei.



Fear the wrath of mos-cow-to!

And here are a few from the arts and crafts department…





You have taken Pooh's honey. Now he shall take your soul!


Sometimes my students worry me. At least they aren't drawing pictures of my bloody, dismembered corpse (yet).

The real highlight of the festival, though, was the show that all of the classes contributed an act to. This was mostly performed on the gymnasium's stage, which was unfortunately too dark for me to photograph properly - I was too far away for a flash to have any meaning, and I don't yet own one of those nifty uber-cameras that can suck in light all the way from Alpha Centauri. Eh...my camera's also a cell phone, web browser, TV, and an .mp3 player, so I can't complain too loudly ^_^

The ichinensei did a big choreographed dance to a mix of popular songs, and sang/shouted along with parts of it. The ninensei put on a skit which actually seemed pretty deep, but much of it was too complicated for me to understand. The basic theme, though, was how we all put on faces - or "masks," the name of the play - to please our parents, classmates, and the rest of society. It involved a gang of punkish kids making trouble in a coffee shop and encouraging the store employees to rebel against their boss, but then stepping outside and asking each other what the point of their nonconformity was. None of them had an answer; one just shrugged and said, "My friend thought it'd be cool."
It ended kind of creepily, with all of the stars donning these eerie expressionless paper-maché masks and saying something like, "These are better; no one knows what our real faces look like anyway."
The sannensei did a hilarious rendition of Beauty and the Beast that included an epic duel between angry, torch-wielding townspeople and six students costumed as silverware. I had to giggle when one of the forks performed a flying headbutt and nearly emasculated a poor guy with his tongs. The look on that kid's face was fucking priceless. I do hope he wasn't actually hurt...

The closing ceremony was lots of laughs, too. The final event was an arm-wrestling contest up on the stage, in front of the whole school. Each class sent forth a few delegates, and teams were formed. Of course, this wouldn't be complete without teacher participation, too...you can see where this is going. They did ask me in advance before inviting me up on stage, and then I faced off against the P.E./Health Education teacher. We put on a damn fine show for them, if I do say so myself. I dove and rolled across the stage to my space at the podium, and he walked on his hands. We then faced off and bowed, pretending to each draw samurai swords at our sides. And let me tell you...what followed was a clash of titans, a battle that will be remembered in epic song for ages to come. I (barely) won, and seriously question whether I would have if he hadn't walked across the stage on his hands right before. That man is freaking strong, especially considering that I probably have about 20cm and at least 10kg on him.

The inevitable drinking party for the teachers followed that evening, and when they asked me to speak I made sure to end by offering the P.E. teacher a rematch, whenever he was ready. I brought him a bag of buffalo jerky the next day and told him it would give him great power. If I survive the rematch, I'll be sure to tell you how it goes.

Calling all cars!

KJH's yearly school festival is coming up soon, and it's been communicated to me that it would be "a very interesting and good idea" (read: requirement) for me to contribute an exhibit of my home state. I've so far opened this blog up to comments from anyone feeling the urge; I'm now actively asking for your contributions. What do you want Kosaka's young 'uns to learn about the fair state of MN? My goal is to put together something that 12-15 year olds will care about, i.e. I don't want it to read like a tourist brochure. Resources I have available to me include:

Any school supplies you can think of...
-colored paper
-pens
-markers
-all other such material
My MacBook, which will almost certainly be used for PowerPoint
Anything I can get from the 'net in a week's time

I'll (possibly) be visiting a large city this weekend that has a fair supply of international goods, so I'm considering some small (cheap) handouts for my exhibit. Any MN companies come to mind? I may end up using the handouts as a prize to go along with some sort of quiz; this'll help to keep me from going bankrupt in the process of getting enough to go around.

So, what else is our state known for, aside from farms, freezing-ass winters, and mosquitoes big enough to carry away cows? Any and all suggestions are appreciated. I'm interested from hearing from people not in MN right now, as well - what impressions do other states have?

Compulsory English and you!

Today is not exactly promising to be a gem of a day, so I apologize in advance if this entry gets even more bitter than I originally intended. It started this morning with my mercilessly loud alarm clock waking me after not nearly enough sleep – I had promised myself I’d do a better job at this, but the book I’m currently reading* thwarted my best efforts to put it down and get a good night’s rest. Then I discovered that I was dreadfully low on provisions, and would be surviving sans a proper meal until lunchtime. And then I dumped half of the grape juice I intended for my stomach on my wall, floor, and (miraculously still functioning) cell phone. Sigh.

*The Harsh Cry of the Heron: The Last Tale of the Otori. Think 1600s Japanese historical fiction, with a bit of fantasy element thrown in for flavor. I highly recommend it; the author clearly has a deep understanding of the Japanese language and culture that pervades his writing (he is not Japanese and the book has only been published in English, to my knowledge).

Today I’m back to the School in the Sky, which is a good thing, but is also part of the inspiration for this (rather touchy) subject. As you may be aware, the Japanese education system requires students here to study English for the equivalent of 7th through 12th grade. Many elementary schools are even pushing their kids to start it earlier, beginning with the alphabet and basic vocabulary around 4th grade. Mind you, it takes until 6th grade for the Japanese to completely learn the 2000+ characters they need to know to read their own language, so foreign language instruction at that early level is pretty rudimentary.

Anyway, students study English for a minimum of six years here, whether they like it or not. They study very specific, standardized English, though, through which the one goal is preparing them for high school and college entrance exams. Any of you who have made a serious effort at learning a foreign language before may have an idea of how much this sucks. What happens when your knowledge base has grown to the point where you start becoming curious about grammar and vocabulary not covered by the government-stamped-and-approved textbook? Here…well, not much, unless you’re lucky enough to study somewhere that has an after school English club (not so much the case around my area, but it’s a goal of mine to get one started). So, we have pretty much every student in Japan doing the same dry, boring-ass New Horizon P.O.S. for 6+ years…does it shock you that they aren’t all chomping at the bit with excitement?
The obvious result of this system is that not all students want to learn English. And they certainly don’t all plan on going into English-related fields in the future (if they’re even considering that sort of thing at age 14), so they don’t even have a reason to learn it (aside from those bloody entrance exams, of course). We shouldn’t, then, be at all surprised when we encounter students who couldn’t be arsed to study English even if they were being paid for it. Especially because…

In Japan, one does not fail classes. This is not because they are necessarily a country of geniuses, or because of any sort of societal pressure to study one’s ass off. They don’t fail classes because teachers simply will not fail them. And regardless of what they say, students know this. The students who don’t care (fortunately the minority) know that they do not have to try, that they can sail through junior high school and they’ll still be handed a diploma at the end of 9th grade. They may or may not go on to high school, but that’s hardly a concern of theirs – no, the law does not require them to. These students (hereafter referred to as Coat-racks) can usually blend in well in an average classroom of 30-40, but take them outside that sort of camouflage zone and they stick out like proverbial sore thumbs.

This gets back to part of the inspiration for this entry, the School in the Sky. Most of the kids here are great; they put forth a serious effort (at least, in the English classes that I’m part of) and the teachers all seem proud of them. There are currently only 11 students in this entire little school, though, and the average class size is 2, so there’s nowhere for Coat-racks to hide. When I first walked into one sannensei class here and discovered within ten minutes that my ichinenseis could pwn them without even trying, it was a tad depressing. I asked a little about this and got rather nebulous responses: so-and-so isn’t good at studying, they are often truant, they aren’t interested in going to school, etc. Umm…why? The teachers either honestly don’t know or are saying so to cover for some sort of situation they don’t want to talk about. One can see how this seriously hampers my goal of turning would be Coat-racks into productive, almost-English-speaking members of society.
I don’t really feel angry with these kids, though; they are part of a system that utterly fails to instill in them any desire to succeed. And that’s where I ideally come in.

My role as an English teacher here is one of both instructor and motivator, and the latter is infinitely more complicated than the former. Surely, I have the option of taking the easy way out, of spending my time with the kids who do give a shit and who want to make something of themselves instead of slipping through the cracks of society and working in a factory or McD’s for the rest of their lives. But if I do that, I fail in what is easily at least half of my job here. This doesn’t by any stretch of the imagination mean that I’ve got this motivation thing figured out, though. Humor and general self-degradation are fun and will make (most) students pay attention for at least a bit, but I’m not always the font of clownish idiocy that I strive to be. And there is always that first part of the job, teaching. Ah, what a balancing act this is turning out to be.
In the long run, I know I’ll be fine. I also know that I can’t “save” everyone, that some students are happy where they are and don’t want my help. It still hurts to see them fall, though, especially since I’m fair certain that no one else will pick them up.

My immaturity

If ever you harbored even the suspicion that living in Japan would kill my puerile sense of humor...Ha! Think again, my friend, think again.



Heh-heh. Hey Beavis, check this out... I kid you not, this is seriously a restaurant near my place.



Does your trash can kiss your ass?



Playing with our boogers in science class.



This is what happens when you feed a young Japanese male his body weight in beer.



Ok, WTF? I know it's just a box of incense, but still... Gonna get me some hot black lovin' tonight!
The pot leaf really completes the image, too. Do you suppose this is a subliminal racist statement on the supposed pharmaceutical habits of some African-American men and women?



And revisiting that first image, I am now accepting caption suggestions for the above. "This Old Woody" and "Little Boner on the Prairie" are ideas I've received so far.

A picture’s worth a thousand cliché sayings…

…none of which will be repeated here :)

Current mood: annoyed
Current music: Linkin Park
Correlation? Maybe.

I just found out that the school lunches I’ve been eating for free will become something I get to (have to) pay for, starting in October. It’s break time after lunch at School in the Sky (or, mountains anyway), and I just finished another one of my awestruck tours around the place, camera in hand. It’s typical at my schools during lunch/break time for them to play some popular music over the school’s PA…but today it’s “What I’ve Done”...on repeat. Over and over. And over. And again. Grrr.
Ah, well. To take my mind off of that and other stupidity, I’ll post some pictures of this place. As beautiful as they are, the photographs don’t do this place justice. If there was some way to convey the smell of the Japanese cedar, the sheer atmosphere that comes with being up in the mountains alongside a fog-covered lake, I’d being doing it right now. Still fine-tuning that holodeck, though.

My quasi-day off

One unfortunate fact of the Japanese work ethic is that they place great value on just showing up, even when there’s not a damn thing to do. See also: today.
Yesterday was a national holiday (敬老の日 – Day of Respect for the Elderly), so everyone was free to do whatever they pleased. I had a plan to drive to Akita City to see a friend or two, but then we received 26 bazillion cm of rain and travel became not exactly safe; Akita City may still be underwater or floating out to the Pacific as I type this. So, I slept in, watched a movie with a friend, and then while channel-surfing we discovered that the autumn sumo wrestling tournament was on, so we watched that for most of the afternoon. There are a surprising number of foreign (not Japanese) wrestlers in sumo these days, I must say. Quite an ass-ton (no pun intended, I swear) of Mongolians, plus a few from Eastern Europe (one of whom I’m pretty sure my friend has the hots for), were in the tournament, even in the upper ranks (ōzeki, 大関). And actually, the two highest ranked guys right now (yokozuna, 横綱) are both Mongolian, although apparently that’s kind of rare. So we sat and cheered and made some tacos and basically did nothing productive all day. It was fabulous.
Getting back to that work ethic thing, though… Sigh. So, school’s still on break today, but I need to show up at the Board of Education anyway, ostensibly to put in a full day’s work. Even the Japanese people in my office, who have the remarkable ability to look busy and/or find work to do in nearly any situation, seemed to understand that we are all in the office today only because not showing up would look bad*. I spent the majority of the morning conducting complicated and exhausting experiments in the fields of physics and aerodynamics with my immediate supervisor. What this really means is that we compared paper airplane designs and tried to see who could keep one airborne the longest, within the confines of the BoE office. She won.

*The Japanese have an inbred fear of or aversion to standing out, in any situation. They even have an expression that translates to, You will be assimi…erm, no, wrong TV show. The nail that sticks up gets hammered down. Yeah, that’s the one. This (mostly) explains my students’ inability to speak the hell up in class, forcing me the drag the answer out of them with 50 lb. test line even when they know it perfectly well.

The afternoon improved somewhat, as one of the local places we get lunch at when I work at the BoE was able to make some udon spicy enough to singe my nosehairs. I worked for a while on some of my fiction, and by the time I could open my mouth without unleashing gouts of flame I decided to go for a wander. I found a few of my students in the BoE building’s common area playing Final Fantasy: Crisis Core on their PSPs. I of course had to play with their gullibility a bit, so I asked them why they weren’t studying for the English test tomorrow (which there isn’t, of course). They discussed their scores on the last English exam (anywhere from 76% down to 22%) and came to the conclusion that they were hopeless, so they might as well continue trying to beat the White Dragon. Sigh. I do indeed have my work cut out for me.
In slightly more promising news, there was also a group of girls (likewise some of my students) who were actually studying. A few were working on social studies, something about French independence I think, but I didn’t pay too much attention. The rest were engrossed in a ‘bonus project’ for English – nothing I assigned since I hadn’t seen it before. I spent a good hour sitting with them, sipping some hideously sugared coffee and helping when they got stuck on their English project. It mostly involved searching one of their textbooks for translations of unfamiliar expressions, but it kept my attention because unlike the entirety of the New Horizon textbooks we use in class, this one contained useful, [gasp!] relevant expressions. I don’t care if the Japanese government has a steamy love affair with every last page of New Horizon; Ann Green can still go straight to hell – do not pass go, do not collect $200.