Gaijin Score!!

On the train this last weekend, I invented a new game – well, not totally new, but it’s an extension of another idea I really like. Anyone who has read Azrael’s blog is familiar with the concept of Gaijin Smash, loosely defined as a technique used by foreigners (外人 – gaijin; lit. “outside person”) in Japan in order to impose their will on the Japanese. Examples include charging through a subway turnstile without paying, sitting in the elderly/disabled seats when you’re clearly neither, and other sorts of general dickheadedness. Gaijin have the remarkable ability in this country to completely avoid all punitive measures so long as the action in question doesn’t break any serious laws or badly upset the social order, because most Japanese people are nervous about or unwilling to confront us. Reasons include:

1) They assume we don’t speak Japanese and won’t understand

2) They assume that even if we speak Japanese, we won’t understand the complexities of their rules and society

3) Culturally, most Japanese avoid confrontation if at all possible – they don’t view it as worthwhile

4) We’re really goddamn tall and intimidating

Along with the Gaijin Smash, other terms such as the Gaijin Perimeter have come into regular use in the last few years. The GP is the effect we foreigners have in public, when Japanese will naturally put a little extra space between themselves and us without even thinking about it. It’s kind of funny to observe this one in action because people do it here so obliviously that it’s almost like they’re on autopilot – as if there’s some mild magnetic repulsion taking place that no one discusses or even acknowledges.

I’m sure there are a few others, too, but that’s not the focus of this entry. Nay, today I’m writing about my own contribution to this little field of ex-pat humor, a simple game that I have termed the Gaijin Score. It’s not complex, and just started as one more way for me to amuse myself on boring bus/train rides.

To play, you have to be on public transit that isn’t too busy. This doesn’t work during a crowded-as-fuck rush hour, because no one has any choice but to be pressed together like canned sardines. No, your Japanese co-riders must have a little room to move about. Now, in order:

1) Find a seat that has an open space next to it. Sit in it. There must be room for someone to sit next to you.

2) At each stop, count how many people choose to remain standing rather than take the plunge and sit within mere centimeters of a foreign barbarian. Each person = 1 point. You only gain a point if they choose to stand as opposed to sit next to you. It doesn’t count if they choose to stand when they have plenty of sitting options – they may just want to stretch.

3) Gain 2 points any time a Japanese person already sitting next to you gets up and moves to another seat when it becomes available, because your powers over them are nigh legendary if you can make them take action specifically to get away from you.

4) Divide your total score by the number of stops your train makes – this allows you to compete with friends who are on different trains at different times.

5) Remember that if all competitors are on the same train, there must be enough distance between you so that everyone knows who gets to claim each point.

6) Finally, half your total score if you have any particular smell about you that would cause most normal people to move away – you can dress however you want, but bad BO is just cheating.

My top Score is 8 so far, going between Jiyugaoka and Shibuya.